She Keeps Me Warm
by Aiko-love-Anime
Summary: Human AU. Natalya has been here before and has seen her before. Despite her better judgement she can't stop herself from coming to see that beautiful young blond waitress again and again. But in a world so cruel, can she accept the feelings she carries in her heart? Oneshot.


I've been here before; sitting in this cozy corner of this quiet cafe. And I've seen her here before; that beautiful, young blond with the navy blue bow in her hair. She works here often and, despite my better judgement, I can't stop myself from coming to see her again and again. Something draws me to her; probably that smile that lights up the room, or those beautiful emerald eyes. Those eyes that give me a peek at forever, and every time they close I beg them not to go.

Why? Why does it have to be this way?

Why can't I just be normal? I try and try, I really do. I tried to fall in love with boys. God only knows how long I've chased Ivan around, and how many times I've deceitfully taken advantage of poor Toris' kindness. How many times have we gone out, only for him to be so extremely happy and I'm left feeling like a liar, like I used him for my own gain? And what did I gain? A bigger whole in my heart? I should have let him go so long ago; I know a certain kid that truly wants to ask him out. But I just didn't want to admit this yet. I still don't.

And who would?

In a world so filled with hate, why would anyone willingly admit that he or she is different?

I certainly don't want to admit it, much less accept it.

But I am.

I am, and I love girls. Never once, since I was born, did I ever have these feelings toward a boy. And no matter how much I wish that wasn't true, it is. And I can't change it. I can't change, it's a part of who I am.

I peer over at her for the dozenth time, my eyes catch hers. And she smiles. My heart flutters right out of my chest.

As hard as it is to accept this part of me, I want to move on and be happy. I'm sick and tired of waking up cold and angry at the world. I want to wake up every morning like the sunrise: warm, bright, full of life and new beginnings. And maybe, just maybe...with the way she smiled at me, she could show me where to start. Maybe, these feelings could be good, maybe she and I...Maybe we could be... _good_.

I look once more, and find she is still looking at me. Still smiling.

I turn away. She comes over to my table, and asks me if I'm finished. I nod. She leaves my check, and strolls off to the other side of the cafe. I watch her go.

I look at my check and instead of my bill, I find a short, sweet message sprawled on the paper in a cute cursive handwriting:

_Smile, beautiful._

I look up in disbelief, to find her smiling at me as a blush comes over her face.

And for the first time in what feels like years, I smile.

She motions me to flip it over.

_My shift ends soon. Stick around?_

I give her a nod, and wait.

These feelings, the way they churn my heart, it's all just so confusing. And I can't change that fact, but I can accept it. I can embrace it with a smile. I can't change how I feel, but I _can_ let myself fall in love, real love, for the very first time. That _is_ what I want; something I will fight for.

Her shift ends and she sits down with me. We talk for hours, as if we were childhood friends catching up and talking about the old days. It was just so easy to talk to her. It was like fate itself devised us meeting. I ask her a thousand questions, just trying to learn everything I can about this beautiful girl in front of me.

"What's your middle name?"

"I don't have one." she giggles. "My first name is Lili, though."

"I'm Natalia."

She laughs when I ask her if she hates her job. She says she loves this little shop. She blushes when I ask if she falls in love too easily. She stays quiet a moment before whispering yes. I learn her favorite word is "liebe," German for love. The face she made, that impossible shade of red her face turns, when I ask if she likes kissing girls. She quietly admits never having kissed a girl before, or anyone for that matter.

That's when I learn that she is in the same boat that I am. She is struggling with who she was; afraid of her feelings and her own heart, afraid of being different. Afraid that no one will accept her. She is too afraid to even tell her brother, whom she is closest to. She is terrified of how he would react. If she lost him, she didn't know what she would do.

A tear trails down her cheek and before she can wipe it away, I pull her into a tight embrace.

"Can I call you baby?"

"Yeah." she says, as she returns the hug and a smile returns to her lips. "Yeah."

We spend every free moment together. And slowly, ever so slowly, we fall in love. Our fingers lace together for the first time, we stare into each other's eyes, a kiss on the cheek, cuddling, and our hearts are united. No bond is stronger than ours. No one else can understand_our_ love, it's ours; different than all others, different than all that came before and all that will come after. It's comfortable, sweet, and happy.

And _happy_.

We smile and laugh, and for a while, time stands still.

I decide to tell Ivan, and my sister, Katayusha, and apologize to Toris.

Ivan had his suspicious for a long time, and had been waiting for me to come out. He is happy that I finally accept myself for who I am, and that I found someone to share my new found pride with; someone that loves me as much as I love her. It's not something that everyone is lucky enough to find.

Katayusha accepts me wholeheartedly, like I knew she would. She has always been the sweetest person I know, and always tries to understand. She wishes us the best.

I apologize to Toris for toying with his heart; I never should have dragged him down with me just because I was unhappy and unwilling to let go. He forgives me, and says that he will find _the one_ someday. I smile and mention that a mutual friend of ours, Feliks, honestly seems like he has been wanting to go out with him for a while. Toris blushes; it would be his first date with a boy. But in all honesty, I think he will be happy with Feliks.

Now that we have my family's blessing, life is good again. It's just Lili and I in this great big world of ours. And that's just how we like it.

But this isn't a fairy tale, we don't have our happy ending yet.

We face our challenges; the looks, the groans, the whispers, the rants, the curses, the bashings, the pain, the anger, the strain, the strife, the worry, the fear, the sadness, and depression. And we fight back, and ignore them all as best we can. But sometimes when I'm just so down, the glares just get to me. I feel like no one will ever even try to understand us. They think it's a decision, that we can change. But we can't; this is all we know, all we feel. And it doesn't matter how hard we try, there is no changing who we love.

Yet, they just stand and stare as we walk by, hand in hand.

"They stare, because we look so perfect together." she says.

If only she knew the power behind her own words. Only she can make me feel so happy when I feel so exhausted. She is the only one that knows how to pull me out of the cold,cold world and into a warm embrace. She is my love, my warmth. Her heart, her mind, her body, and soul radiate warmth and kindness; she keeps me warm, when the rest of the world tries to leave me numb.

And in turn, I try to be the sun to her sky, the hug to her kiss, and the reason to her happiness.

We cling to each other for longer than most couples can even dream. Time flies by and slows down all at once. Days and weeks, turn to months and then a year.

And Lili is finally ready to tell her brother.

She invites me to join them for church on Sunday, but it's been a long time since I was last welcomed there.

We meet afterwards, and Lili is so terrified, that her hands are shaking, and she hasn't spoken a word, apart from telling Vash that what she had to say was incredibly important.

"Big brother..." she breathed shakily, "I'm n-not like other girls."

He watches her quizzically, stating that he knew that; she's one of a kind.

"Yes, but I'm..." she pauses, trying desperately to keep her composure. "I never liked boys."

Vash's eyes flash at her suddenly, as if to say he was beginning to catch on.

"I h-have been fighting these feelings in my heart for so long, but I could never make them go away. They hurt and confused me for so long, and I didn't want to be this way, but I couldn't stop it. It's who I am, and I love Natalia." As the last word trails from her mouth, she recoils slightly.

Vash sits rigid a moment, as we wait in painful silence for his reaction.

In one, quick moment, he flipped the coffee table screaming at Lili for being foolish and naive, telling her she doesn't know what she is saying, that she is too young, that it's just a phase she would grow out of. I stood up to intervene before the situation escalated, when she beat me to it.

"It is not some decision!" she nearly screams. "I've been through hell and high water, pain and depression deeper than anyone should ever feel. I'm too young? I never had a single feeling toward a boy. Ever! I'm sixteen years old, I know what love is! You think it's a phase? I've been this way since the day I was born, tell me how I'll 'grow out of it' when I never 'grew into it.' I finally feel happy, for the first time in years. I saw the light at the end of my tunnel. I felt the heat of my sun once again. And Natalia is the reason! No boy will ever make me feel that way! No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to force these feeling for a boy! I've tried and tried and tried!" her tone soften, as her voice cracked "But I can't change! I wanted to, believe me, I did. When these feelings were dragging me down, and I felt like the whole world was against me, I really hated myself. But, Natalia...she made me happy. She showed me the light, she brought me back to life. And the only thing I can do to show my gratitude, is to love her with all my heart, like she deserves."

Tears brimmed in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Not today. Not Sunday. She knows the church won't accept her for who she is. Not yet. But she made it her goal to never cry on Sunday again. She knows what sacrifices come with accepting herself. She accepted that fact a long time ago. She made her peace with God, and knows that He still loves her. He always has.

Vash calmed down as she yelled. He looks into her deep, innocent green eyes and saw nothing but true love reflecting back at him. He pulls her into a tight hug.

And he starts crying.

He apologizes. He is sorry for shouting and making such wild accusations. He knows that her love is real. He tells her how strong she is for being herself in such a harsh world. He apologizes again and again.

"I accept you for who you are, Lili. No matter what, I will always love you." he says as he pulls away, to look her in the eyes. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know all that you went through; all the struggles and pain that you had to deal with on your own. I just..." He trails off. "In the end, all that matters to me, is that you're happy. I just want you to be happy."

"I am." she says as he pulls him back into a hug.

After Vash lectures me about taking care of his sister followed by a sweet and genuine hug, we head back home. We chatter on and on about the day and what _could _have happened. We laugh and smile like no one is watching, finally able to ignore the glares and snide remarks. We were finally happy.

Truly happy.

And though the world doesn't agree yet, everyone will come around in time. We'll wait patiently for that day, after all, we've waited this long.

All that matters now is that I love her and she loves me.

And she taught me: Love is the heat of the sun after a long battle in the dark, love is overcoming fear by taking it by the horns, love is love no matter the gender, love is partnership, love is understanding, love is closeness, but most of all, love is patient, love is kind, love is tender and love is warmth.

She keeps me warm, when the rest of the world tries to make me numb.

My love, she keeps me warm.

She keeps me warm.

* * *

><p>Cross-posted from my Deviantart. PM if you want a link.<p>

When your heart shifts and this feeling never ends, and you find it sticks around… Smile beautiful, for these feelings are good not bad, right not wrong. One day you'll find the one. Just as my love is good love, your love is good love. And our love is the same love.

To all of you who are struggling right now, know that your sexuality does not define your worth as a human being. It's a part of you, and it doesn't describe you anymore than the color of your hair. You are beautiful inside and out. And in time, I hope you can share that beauty with the world.

Based on the song: She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert

I chose Belarus and Liechtenstein, because they seemed like a perfect fit. Belarus has tried to chase a love that doesn't exist, to a point that she forgot the reason she even started. She really seems like the type that's had a string of broken hearts and disappointment in her life, because she is a truly down to earth character just holding on to a little string of hope that maybe tomorrow will be better.

Liechtenstein on the other hand, is a young girl almost on the complete opposite of the spectrum. She is innocent and careful, and yet to have a real broken heart. She has been cautious all of her life, but finally decides that it's time to take a leap of faith. She symbolizes the truth behind true love, what it all boils down to; love is innocent, true, a word that vaguely describes an unseen world shared by only two people. A feeling so strong, that it can transend space and time, life and death, separation and suffocation, anger and happiness, worry and joy, fear and fearlessness.

Love is a four letter word that quickly somes up what no one would ever be able to even begin to explain.  
>And when you feel it, feel it for real, no one can tell you that it's any different. It's the same love.<p>

Love is love.

Thanks for reading~,

~Aiko-love-Anime


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